Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
