It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Randomize
