I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
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