Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
