You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
