So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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