she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
