Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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