hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
