...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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