It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize