Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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