I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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