I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
