you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
