I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
