is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
