She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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