You're completely useless in the revolution.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
