Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
