at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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