My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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