i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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