how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
