life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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