Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
