It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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