i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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