sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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