I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
