I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
