Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
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I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
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I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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