see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
