My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Randomize
