I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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