Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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