My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
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