Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
