Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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