A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
