Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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