She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
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