I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
try to milk me bitch
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