is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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