I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I know her cup size but not her name....
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