I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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