masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize