We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I look better un-naked...
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
