Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Randomize
