It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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