Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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