I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Randomize
