Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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