apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
