Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
