The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
