I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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