some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Randomize
