I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
