the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
