Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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