you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Randomize
