i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
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