she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
