dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Hippo gnu deer
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Randomize
