bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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