Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
