the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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