Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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