What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
