mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
