I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Randomize
