I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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