I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
