I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
