Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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