you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
