i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
