I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
