Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I think I am morally bankrupt
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
