Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
